Today’s post is the 6th story of healing for Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
Remember, everyone’s journey is different. This is meant to let people know that healing does happen and to identify all the different ways and all the different areas that your life can grow and change.
***Please be aware, the following is a story of someone’s journey through sexual abuse and healing. You may find aspects triggering. If you need help, please contact RAINN @ 800.656.HOPE(4673).
Healing From the Ravages of Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse runs rampant in today’s society, and it’s effects can be devastating. Recent statistics show that 25% of all young women, and 20% of all young men, are sexually abused by the age of 18. And this, they say, only represents the reported/documented incidences. While you may not have been personally effected by this type of abuse, chances are high you know someone who has been, perhaps even your significant other, making this issue of paramount importance to the quality of your life.
Let’s take a look at the impact this type of abuse can have on the human psyche, as well as what we can do about it.
There are no words to describe the devastating effects of sexual abuse; yet I will try. As both a survivor of this all too closeted social issue, and a spiritual life coach who has witnessed the stories of numerous other survivors, I understand the impact this type of abuse can have on one’s life. I’ve listened to happily married women in their forties who are still afraid to sleep with their back to the bedroom door for fear of who and what used to come through it . . . I’ve seen amazingly successful, beautiful women with zero self esteem who feel if they aren’t performing like Egyptian sex goddesses they are worth nothing . . . And I’ve encountered men who were sexually abused by religious clergy as children; who’s need to disassociate themselves from emotional connections is so strong, they’ve ended up with severe sexual addictions.
My own life reads like a Danielle Steele romance novel gone bad. After an unending stream of sexually addicted men, some of whom I married, some of whom I didn’t; and many, many years of therapy, I had the good fortune of stumbling upon some of the most amazing spiritual teachers on the planet. Through my understanding of the Law of Attraction and the knowing that we can only attract at the level we’re at, I knew I had to radically shake up my world. I had to say “NO” to what seemed like my natural instincts, but was actually a learned behavior, and stop allowing myself to date those all-too-attractive and ever-so-sexy Dean Martin-type womanizers. I had to dig deep within myself and try to find that still, small place within me that remembered what real love felt like. Once I finally found it, and began projecting a new frequency out into the world, the healing began.
Statistics show that 25% of all young women, and 20% of all young men, are sexually abused by age 18. One of the hardest things to unlearn during this process is the belief that you are simply not enough … that you have to earn someone’s love. It was a belief I held for far too many years; a belief that permeated all of my male relationships. In fact it wasn’t until the day before my father made his transition (who I must mention was not the perpetrator) that I realized I had spent my entire life trying to earn his love, when all I ever really needed to do was just be me. That’s all I ever, ever needed to do to be loved … ever … by anyone … I, like most abuse survivors, just had no reference point for that.
It took years to move past this issue that impacted my life on nearly every level. And now at the ripe young age of “49 and holding,” when I look around and assess my life, I find myself with two adorable dogs, the most amazing friends in the world, and a career that’s much more of a calling than a job. For all of that I am blessed and eternally grateful.
All I ever really needed to do to be loved was just be me . . .I just had no reference point for that. I also have no children … no husband … and no family. And on those days when even all my amazing friends and a life purpose I love, can’t fill that void, I occasionally find myself getting angry about an injustice that happened long, long ago to a much younger girl who had no capacity to comprehend what was really happening and who unwittingly developed a very warped and skewed view of what should be one of the most blessed, and sacred parts of our human existence.
And so it was on one of those uncomfortable days that a very wise woman who’s a spiritual mentor of mine asked me one simple question . . . “What do you want to carry forward from this experience in your life?” Now that was a wake up call. I realized right then and there that I had two choices. I could remain the victim and wallow in the pain. Or I could take a stand and do something about this enormous social injustice that’s been swept under the carpet for far too long.
So in an effort to not only help myself, but also nearly a quarter of the population on this grand planet Earth, I asked the angels, “Exactly what does the world need to know NOW to heal from the ravages of sexual abuse?”
Here’s what the Angels had to say . . .“There is no getting away from the fact that the impact of abuse penetrates the soul. It matters not whether that abuse is verbal, emotional, or sexual; the end result is something that must be addressed head on for a healing to occur. What most do not realize is that the perpetrator often suffers as much as the victim. Both suffer from guilt and shame … both struggle with fear. Fear that it will happen again … fear that they will be found out … fear that their soul will never heal … not in this incarnation or in all of eternity.”
They remind us that, “Compassion, both for ourselves and the other, is the only thing that can truly heal any injustice. And compassion, more than anything else, is what is needed most. While the victim may never forget the behavior, they must be able to forgive the person who inflicted it on them . . . The perpetrator in turn, must be able to acknowledge they are having this experience for a reason, even if they don’t understand what it is, and find a way to forgive themselves in order for a healing to occur.
The angels remind us, “We must always remember, ‘It is all in divine order’ . . . even when we don’t remember how that can be. For the contracts we signed prior to incarnation spelled all of this out. And these contracts dear ones were created by divine infinite souls who loved us so much they were willing to carry out this seeming atrocity in an effort to help us learn something wonderful about this world, and about ourselves.”
Only you can determine what that “something” is for you. I encourage you to let this Angelic Message Portrait™ of Abuse Healing assist you on your road to recovery . . . Let her help you stop crying that infinite river of tears, and begin to lovingly and compassionately find your truth through your heart. For it is only there that true healing can and will occur.
by Contemporary Mystic, Lori Daniel Falk