Pam's Courageous Journey ~ #SAAM

*This series for #SAAM is stories of tremendous courage as Survivors have spoken/written them. There may be graphic and/or triggering information or language. Please make sure to take care of yourself as you read through and practice grounding exercises as needed.

PAMS'S STORY...

Hi, I am 57,

Successful in my career and life,

I am 1-3 women, who has been sexually assaulted, by people in my family,

Until recently, I never spoke out,  

Why you may ask?

Well, thank you, let me tell you a little about me,

My bio family consisted of a set of parents, five boys and me.

Religious suppression, domestic violence, neglect, and sexual abuse plagued my childhood.

For those looking in, our home presented respectful,

Dad was a high school teacher, a member of the church elders, a hard-working, upstanding citizen,

Mom a housewife, caregiver, church leader, and all around good lady, so kind and sweet,

Seems great right, Yet here I am,  

Silence, the tool used, to hush my voice,

Threats of abandonment,

Perpetuated an underlying struggle,

That eats away consistently, at my well-being,

I was 4.5 years old, in the memory I have to tell,

I saw the light flicker, as his shadow passed in the hallway,

He opened the door,

His familiarity was daunting, 

As he came in, sitting down beside me,

Placing his hand, sliding it slowly down my soft tender belly,

He pushed his huge weathered finger into my vagina,

Terror gripped my body, mind, and soul,

My Dad, the guy who was supposed to love, protect, support, teach and encourage me,

Sexually assaulted me,

Stop!!!!!!! I screamed in silence,  

The horror of his touch, still lingers, in the cells of my body,

Why would he do such a thing? I had no words to describe what just occurred,

Fears overwhelmed and debilitated, the child within,

Unworthiness a constant struggle, then and now,

I was a girl, growing up in a male dominated world,

I created a strong kick ass attitude, to survive reality,

I have worked over this lifetime, to come to grips with the fact,

I was assaulted by multiple family members and not one single person stepped up to say this is not okay,

Stop, she deserves more, not one fucking person,

The problem now is that;

I do not want others to know what happened in my family,

I don’t want others to feel badly for me,

I don’t want to be seen, or for this to be known, not for one minute, 

But  I realize I have to speak up, I have to share my story,

Sexual Abuse is a crime,  

So it stops here, the silence, 

It is not my shame to bear, 

In this world of technology, supreme opportunity, vast intelligence,

Lets stop abuse, 

It is never okay to use your power to override another person, ever.....

SO I SAY...….STOP!!!!!!! Childhood Sexual abuse!!!!!!!!! 

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