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Speaking your truth

I sat down to do this post and found it difficult to put on paper what I had floating through my mind.  It just seemed better  easier to talk about it.

I’ve thought about doing a video a few times since I’ve been in Florida and there has been something holding me back.  I’m not sure if it just didn’t seem right to do it somewhere other than my office, not being "work ready" (you'll notice the natural hair....and I don't even have most of my work clothes anymore...there's only so much room in a jeep 😉 ), or whether I doubt the usefulness of the topic or my view.

Well, whatever it was, I've obviously moved past it 🙂 .  I’d love to hear what you think.  Have you held back because you would blame yourself if someone felt bad?  If you’ve disclosed your abuse did you get a positive or unhealthy response?

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16 comments on “Speaking your truth”

  1. Hi Peggy; I just wanted to say I think you truly are inspirational. Thank you for the work you are doing; your honestly; your ability to relate; and I wish you continued success in the message you are giving. Best best wishes.

    1. Hi Avril! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment...and your kind words. It really means a lot to know there are people out there who are able to connect with the support and hope I strive to provide. I'm grateful for your participation!

  2. WOW WOW WOW! I really needed this video Peggy. It's like you read my mind!

    I've been thinking about just this thing for a while now. I never told my parents I was abused and I am now at a point in my healing where I feel I need to speak my truth (love that way of putting it too by the way), but just as you said I am stuck as I know it's going to hurt them for many reasons. The sense of responsibility is hard to shake. I am also having to work through some resentment I have with them, in regards to the abuse, but it's the fact that its going to effect them negatively and there is nothing they can do about it now. Unlike if I told them back when it was occurring. Is the pivotal thing I need to work through.
    So your video today was amazing to me. To know that I am not alone in feeling this way, and help to reinforce that I should not be blaming myself for any effect it has on my parents or anyone I tell. I'm not sure i believe that fully within myself yet, but to hear it from someone, helps more than you know. I've done so much work to prepare for this but it's this worry that still remains.
    So although I am not ready yet to speak my truth, when I do your words will be ringing in my head that's for sure.
    I love your videos and blog they are so relevant to me every time 😉 and as for your hair I love it natural, I'd kill for hair that looks that great natural. 🙂
    So glad whatever was holding you back moved, as I really needed this today.

    1. Hi Suzanne! Thanks so much for commenting. What you said about not fully believing it within yourself is such an important point. This is part of the difficulty in general when healing...being able to understand something on an intellectual level, but still holding on to the core beliefs and ideas.
      This issue in particular is difficult because there often are some "repercussions" to disclosure. Just know you are not the cause of whatever may unfold. People don't blame someone who has cancer when they share the diagnosis even though it impacts others.
      I'm so glad you are able to find connection through the blog, and appreciative of your participation!

  3. Hi Peggy
    Thanks for posting this. I've always been so scared to tell people what happened to me because I thought then they would view me how I was viewing myself "it being my fault, I'm a bad person, I'm damaged". But recently I finally shared with my therapist all the details about what he did to me and I'm glad I did it was like a weight was lifted off of me. She didn't react how "in my head I thought she would". She didn't tell me what a horrible person I was or that it was my fault which was awesome because now I feel like I may be able to explain to some of my close friends now that don't know what happened to me or why I am always scared and paranoid about my safety. They will understand if they care about me and if they don't it's really not my fault. Your video was really helpful to me because it validated a lot of what I have been working on and thinking about. Thanks again. Hope u r enjoying Florida!!!!

    1. Hi Brandi! Thanks so much for commenting. I'm so glad you've decided to share your experience with your therapist. I know it's not easy, but healing is impossible if you continue to hold the secret of abuse....primarily for the reason you identify. Now that someone knows and responded well, it helps you see that maybe you are not all the things you've believed you are.
      You're right, it's not your fault if they are not able to understand. Though I hope they all do :).

  4. Great video, Peggy. I watched the video on fb and I came to your site to comment, but your teddy bear picture I see on your website with the tape over its mouth triggered some major tears. Major. So much that i know there is more than i even realize under the surface. In fact as I sit here more and more awareness is coming to me and as I try to detach or separate myself from the emotion, I can't help but think how interesting it is that something as small as a teddy bear with tape over its mouth can bring up a whole slew of emotions, thoughts, and memories. Relevant enough, I know I need to at least give myself permission to write/journal. I SO desperately want and need to get things out through voicing it to someone or writing, but I just won't let myself. I would say i can't let myself because that's how i really feel, but I know it's only me holding myself back. I know I might have "missed the point" of your video blog, but it hit me a little differently... Probably more of what I needed to hear right now for where I'm at.

    1. Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your reaction LL! I think the image is pretty powerful (it's why I chose it ;)). To me, it really represented the child who was abused, the innocence, and being silenced (whether by force, fear, suggestion, intimidation, etc).
      I'm glad you decided to write through your feelings. As you said, there is certainly something there that needs to be expressed.
      I agree, I think it "hit you" exactly where you needed it to. I would also imagine (since there's always someone else out there ;)) there are other people who can relate, at least to some degree, with your experience.
      Thanks again for sharing.

  5. I so appreciate your work Peggy, and offering information for everyone that needs it! You expressed important points on this video. I have experienced years of therapy, along with bodywork for recovery. It was the hands-on-healing, conscious art and movement through Nia dance classes, that step-by-step, helped me feel safe in my body.....eventually. The movement and bodywork brought up repressed memories, from more than 40 years prior. Therapy then, was a place for me to put~ what my body and mind were showing me, into words. For a time, I needed to validate the forgotten trauma, with words. Very important, due to most of my abuse was preverbal. The more I honored what my mind and body wanted to express, the more ease I felt. And I agree, not all the details need to be talked about. As we learn to trust ourselves, we can follow our instincts for what is best for our expression. Thank you for inspiring the courageous spirits in all survivors.

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I appreciate your participation! I'm glad you've been able to find and experience healing.

  6. This video hits way too close to home. I'm working through these things in counseling now, but I've had this issue for a very long time. I feel at least partly responsible for what may happen if I told what happened to me. It's the reason why I never told my mom about my abuse...now she's gone and I can never tell her. I'm still afraid of what type of reactions I will get if I talk about it, and I'm scared that someone in my family will hurt the person who hurt me as a kid. I see him sometimes, and I'm still afraid. I avoid most relationships because I know the topic of intimacy will eventually come up, and I feel like I should let the person know about my past and why I'm not as comfortable with certain things as other people. But I don't know if I owe an explanation, I just feel like it's not fair to shut down with someone and not explain why. It's all too confusing for me right now. Thanks for sharing this video, I need to start believing what you said

    1. Hi Michelle.
      Thanks so much for watching and commenting. I remember feeling incredible guilt after my mom died (less than a year after I told her) for telling her, thinking if I had just kept quiet she wouldn't have had to live the last months of her life knowing her husband abused me. Then, one day it hit me, like an aha moment out of the blue, that maybe I told her because it's what I needed. I share this with you because it's important for you think about what you need to heal instead of continuing to take care of/protect others.

      There are times it can be helpful/important to share with an intimate partner. I would just encourage you consider whether it's something you want to share because you want the person to understand or if it's a warning about how "damaged" you are. It's also okay to just not want to do certain things....no explanation necessary ;-).

  7. Hi Peggy
    I am also horrified of telling it to my family. They are drama queens and quite weak mentally physicaly and emotionaly. It could provoke a tragedy and I am not exaggerating because something similar already happend, and I know them oh so well.

    1. Hi Lidia.
      Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. I realize I didn't really address an important aspect in this video. There are times when it may be best to choose not to share with certain people. If they are unhealthy, inappropriate, and/or have poor boundaries it can create more difficulty. However, even with these people, you can choose to not participate in their drama.

  8. "being able to understand something on an intellectual level, but still holding on to the core beliefs and idea"........ this quote respresents me! I know everything in my head, read about it, have diplomas on it, but can´t liv it..... My mother told me that I was to blame as my father hade abused me.... I know that expression from her - lives in me - , I understand that´s not the case - but as soon as I want to open my mouth to speak the trouth - it hit´s me - the quote - and I close my mouth and are silent. How should I go forward with this???? I have told some people around me about it, but I would love to be free and speak about it in general as light as is would be....

    1. Hi Gordana.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and sharing your truth. I'm so sorry for all you've experienced. As you begin to internalize what you know in your head you will be able to share more freely.

      You don't mention whether you're currently working with someone on healing. If not, I would encourage you to consider working with someone experienced in working with Survivors. None of us can do it on our own.

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