The following letter was shared with me by a courageous survivor. Her decision to share with all of you is with the hope you will find connection and inspiration. Just the act of writing a letter to an abuser can be incredibly healing. You don’t even have to send it. Making the decision to confront an abuser is a very individual decision. It may be helpful to discuss the desire with a professional as there are many factors to consider.
Just the mere fact that I have to write this letter makes me sick. As now an adult and mother I recognise better than ever just how wrong it was. It makes me sick NOT because I felt shame and guilt towards what went on, NOT because of all the hard work I’ve had to and am still doing to heal from something that was completely out of MY control…. But because I have a feeling that this is something you rarely think about. Whilst you go on living your life I’ve been living in a prison. A prison YOU created! I was a child, a child in a very vulnerable place, YOU saw that and YOU chose to exploit it. I did make some poor decisions. Decisions I’m not proud of and I have had to process through them, yet I’ve come to the conclusion that I was a CHILD. A child who was put into a situation and making choices I should have never been in, in the first place. YOU did that to me. So regardless of my response and willingness to what YOU were doing ALL the fault and ALL the blame Belong to YOU. The adult in that situation. This letter is for nothing else but an act of healing for me, for you to see just what YOU did has affected my whole life. I’m not writing this to hurt you, or as an act of revenge. Quite frankly you mean nothing to me anymore. It is simply for ME. I’m trying to close the book on this and possibly open it for YOU. I WILL be okay. I am stronger than I’ve ever been and I am taking steps to heal. I am now letting go of….. Guilt that is NOT mine, Shame that doesn’t belong to me and A secret that no longer serves me. You can deny it ever happening, how you deal with the horrible things you did is not my issue. We both know what happened over and over again, We both know you did things to a child that (albeit naively) loved and cared for you. That NO adult should have seen acceptable. I’m passing the inappropriate feelings of guilt, shame and pain back onto the person they belong to YOU!!!!!!! Do as you want with this letter, hide it, rip it up, deny it, show it to people. I don’t mind I have NOTHING to hide. Just know I’m no longer trying to deny it happening, I’m no longer minimising it and I’m no longer ashamed to tell people, to be open and honest about what you did. Because I am NOT the person who should feel ashamed. I may still be dealing with the damage the abuse caused but the scars with heal. So I am handing back the guilt, shame, fear and secret. The guilts is ALL YOURS the shame is ALL YOURS and Your welcome to keep the secret. As I no longer own them.