The struggle to stay committed to healing is sometimes harder than the healing itself.
The fear of not making it to the other side, that all the effort is for nothing; working through grief and shame, knowing it felt much better to numb or deny; the fear of losing relationships as you get healthy and begin to set boundaries; the ideas we hold of what it means to struggle or have support, "if I were stronger I'd get through it on my own".
All of these, and many more, are often a constant battle within.
One part hopeful. Encouraging you to keep moving forward. Reminding you that in the right (healthy) circumstances when you've been vulnerable it's allowed beautiful opportunities for connection. That maybe there are people you can trust.
The other part desperately trying to keep you safe. Reminding you you're better off on your own than risking being hurt. Reminding you that being numbed out or avoidant felt so much better than acknowledging pain, loss, shame. Then, in that desperation, drives you to pull back, isolate, push away, or engage in behavior to remind yourself you are not worthy of support or healing so you don't risk hurt when you reach out instead.
This struggle can show up at any time in the healing process. In fact, it can show up even on the other side of healing if we're feeling particularly vulnerable.
The following exchange was with a client struggling with the idea of support or feeling at all is weak. (Can you relate?)
"Is being healthy really whining about your feelings and having a coach (mentor, therapist) to help you get through life?"
"Being healthy is realizing sharing your struggle and getting support is not whining. 😉 "
We, as humans, struggle. We always have. We always will.
The problem isn't that we struggle. It's how we respond to the struggle.
Denying, avoiding, numbing, self-sabotaging behaviors, perfectionism, extreme independence, people pleasing are all unhealthy ways we might "deal with" struggle.
Sharing, feeling, connecting are not only healthy ways to navigate struggle they are the path to true connection, peace and freedom.