I knew I was healing when…

It was probably one of the most intense reactions to a video I’ve had.

I had a strong sensation in my heart area and felt anger, disappointment, worry, and sadness. All at the same time.

With the exception of the physiological response, I’ve felt all these feelings before. Many times.

(Before I go on, all this lasted a few hours and ended very well 🙂 )

As I noticed the intensity of the feeling and uncertainty of what it was I was feeling or reacting to, I recognized feeling like I was about to dive off a cliff. You know, like those very adventurous types diving into the beautiful blue sea from what seems like at least a 50 story building.

There was so much anticipatory excitement… and fear. That feeling when you are about to do something you really want to do but are scared as hell to do it.

I spent the next few hours in the same emotional and physiological space. Every time I thought about particular aspects of the video I became tearful. Other parts, angry. The “are you F****** kidding me???” kind of angry. Other times I felt I was about to be pushed off the cliff. So excited about the outcome but not sure I was capable of taking the leap.

I was EXHAUSTED.

I knew my physical and emotional reaction was trying to tell me something. It was up to me to lean in and listen.

Like many of you, I sometimes struggle with trusting my instincts and intuition. When it seems it’s telling me to jump, I’m inclined to think there must be some miscommunication. 😉 Have I mentioned I’m afraid of heights and sharks?

I reached out to some friends and asked for positive thoughts to help me discern what it all meant. One of my dear friends, who happens to be really solid in messages from the Universe and intuition, was able to help me settle in to what I knew to be true.

Turns out the intense feeling of diving off the cliff was pretty spot on. Except, instead of diving into the vast blue sea, I’m jumping further into using my voice… to speaking further and louder.

I’m not positive what this is ultimately going to look like but I am trusting that whatever lies under the visible surface of the sea, it will all be worth it and I’ll wonder why I didn’t do it sooner. 🙂

Opening to the entirety of who we are, our potential, our purpose is scary. Maybe even a bit overwhelming. Whether we’re talking about healing or listening to that nudge (or push 😉 ), you owe it to yourself and the planet to jump in with both feet. Let's do this together. Ready? On the count of 3. 🙂

Categories: Blog, My trauma healing journey & lessons learned along the way